One of the best ways, in all of mankind’s impressive history, to counter someone spewing gibberish in the name of making a point is to put your fingers inside your ears and yodel like a Scottish drunk, thereby proving that you are the intellectually superior being and that you have cemented a legendary status in the hall of fame of best replies ever and that the other person can go choke his head in a bamboo sack full of tomatoes. This beautiful occurrence is often known as “willful ignorance” or simplistically “being childishly gay”. Any way you slice it (slicing it like dominatrix tomatoes in a bamboo sack preferably), it involves a person pretending reality is not or never did happen, and that Mia Khalifa is a virgin, far end sex abstinence preacher. We have all been guilty of using this “tactic” and generally it is way more common than most of us like to admit. As a matter of fact, a lot of us do it a lot often without even realizing it. The biggest topics upon which we feign ignorance are our talents/abilities, politics (looking at you Imran Khan and Nawaz Sharif supporters) and relationships. We’ll be talking about the most controversial of the three here.
“No it’s not Imran Khan and Nawaz Sharif bitch slapping each other, YET”.
Beginning of the end.
All of us have most certainly had at least a single friend at some stage in our lives who was deep up into their balls or lady-balls in an absolutely horrendous contract they dared call a “relationship”. No matter how much you pressed them, they refused to sever it on the baffling logic that they loved this person and that angels descended from the sky and proclaimed to them that they were meant for each other. (If that’s the case I’d suggest getting your friend tested for LSD). They go to insurmountable lengths to describe how they’d be incomplete and broken without this person in their life and that how they’re basically “dependent” on this person for their happiness. All of this completely irrespective of the amount of personal and social hell the other person put them through because for them, ultimately, it’s a compromise worth making. These are also the type of people who may come home from their hectic jobs to discover a used, torn condom on their bed, a bracelet or a watch that they never owned in their entire lives and a note written in red lipstick detailing how perfect and monstrous their partner’s tick-tock is. Even then they would need their partner to take a lie detector test (because obviously they’re insane and lie detectors are actually a thing) to confirm their slight, creeping suspicion that their partner might be cheating on them.
However, the really tragic part is that these people never make their proclamation of love and affiliation with any sort of passion or solidarity and more often than not, end up sounding like a child whining about his outdated iPhone. “But, but, but I looooooooooooooooooooooooove Ronny!” they’ll say. And you’ll reply by saying, “But screw Ronny right in his fake wooden leg because Ronny has been parachuting the stinky, old chute of that one-armed woman that stinks like nuggets!”
For eternity, they’ll continue to defend this very person detailing the real reasoning (ironically completely bereft of logic) behind their partner’s over-possessive, manipulative and controlling behavior towards them. Every and anyone still in touch with reality would know that they’re heavily on the losing side of this deal and that their excuses to defend this sort of behavior are about as valid as Donald Trump’s claim to solve the immigration problem by building a wall around Mexico. Everyone involved realizes the extent of the horrendous psychological abuse in this “contract” except the person involved, who will feign complete ignorance until the day they finally find their partner with the one-armed lady in the same bed. Who needs trivial and useless stuff like logic and facts anyway? Am I right?
“Who needs one of these anyway?”
The shattered promise?
Alas, it’s not our partner’s infidelity or other obvious flaws that make us so blindly oblivious to a dreadful relationship; it’s our own insecurity. We can all believe that someone who isn’t us could be cheating and that is in no way an issue. But how on earth could someone be possibly unfaithful/abusive/demeaning to me? This can only happen to “others”, not to me. It’s actually a slight corruption of the concept of choosing to be blind to your own twisted beliefs. No one on the face of this earth likes to be proven wrong because you think it reflects negatively on you. Hence, failing to grasp how you could possibly be so very wrong for so long, you don’t want to hear a single word against the person making your life a living hell, because that would mean admitting you’re wrong and by God, we’d rather suffer through the psychological incarnation of hell on earth rather than actually admit our “mistake” and attempt to rectify the situation. Who needs mental peace and freedom anyways? Those are probably for wankers anyways.
“Yodelay Yodelay Ee Oooo”
Obviously, in this case, you’re not at fault in any way, and your good wishers will keep on reminding you that. But even the most serene amongst us still feel a bit crippled or powerless inside, when someone they choose to care about back-stabs them. It weakens us, hurts us and makes us feel like we messed up somehow, somewhere. Hence we never allow it to materialize as a real problem. That used condom must have been stuck to a bird’s claw. That lipstick message is just the maid playing tricks on us. The watch or bracelet was probably a gift meant for a later occasion. And the nuggets smell is just plain, old, sweaty, stinking nuggets. Our brain impulsively finds excuses and validates them in order to pretend there’s nothing wrong and life is perfect as it is. The brain knows it is lying, playing tricks in order to hide the deep, dark truth. We never fight back because misery is comfortable whereas happiness is difficult, requiring constant effort and struggle. This is the real crux of the whole situation since it ties into the earlier mentioned phenomenon of “dependence”.
“Where do I sign up?”
The biggest pitfall of any claim to love is the fact that one/both
of the partners have to lose their freedom, individuality and personal space for the whole thing to work. Hence, stuff like jealousy, over possessiveness and strictness tends to seep into one of the partners. This corrupts the whole premise of the relationship as this partners assumes an overly dominant role and , unbeknownst to both, become a cause of constant misery and pain for the other person involved who still latch on to the little comfort their short, superficial bursts of intimacy might ever provide. The dependence factor is a very real one as it’s akin to a proper drug or heroin addiction. Once you’re hooked, the insecurities, the fears of loneliness, the desire of closure and the inherent need to be perfectly comfortable in your apocalyptic relationship all work in close tandem to keep you there.
End of the beginning.
What they fail to realize is that two wrongs never make a right, quite the contrary. One twisted enough wrong can, however, most definitely corrupt a right. Similarly, a broken, deranged human who can’t even help himself can, in no way, help anyone else. Truthfully speaking, the only way this paradox or deadlock is broken when the person ignoring all the cues finally gets tired of lying to themselves and decides to confront the situation head-on, no matter how uncertain the outcome. The truth can be narrated to them a 1000 times over, and it won’t amount to anything until they’re ready to hear and accept it. This is a truly horrible realization at how the human mind can work tricks on itself, but the truth is that it’s also the only way many of us will ever allow truth to settle in. After all, a beautiful illusion will always be more appealing than the twisted truth. Reality can seem like an alien concept when your own brain is actively trying to paint such a rosy, perfect yet ultimately demented picture of the truth. Alas, there will always be a reaper at the end, there will always be night after and there will always be people inflicted by willful ignorance of the worst order. Give it enough time and those around these tormented souls will also eventually start yielding to this unrelenting cycle of two people breaking each other till the day the lid is blown and reality becomes too much of a burden…